That 90s Show: Freeing Willy
by Wexamillion Major
Summary: A classic episode of That 90s Show where the Here and Now Gang attempt to set Willy free where his family yearns for him to come home...
1. Prologue

Greetings, hombre! My name is Wex Major. The narrator for this classic episode of That 90s Show. I don't own a damn thing except this fanfic that was made a long time ago, but never got the chance to show its colors until now. And to take note, That 90s Show's premises takes place around when, the 1990s. When I was at the top of my game. When Homer Simpson, Lenford Leonard, Carlton Carlson, Morris Syzslak (who didn't have an ugly face back then due to plastic surgery), Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, Kenneth McCormick, Jonas Zebeth, Lucien Sanchez & Thornton Reed were a part of a band of jolly friends named: The Here & Now Gang. Tonight's episode will only feature five of us in this gang, as we desperately free an Orca whale who yearns for freedom as any man would, and deal with unemployment from Deep Space Nine at the time. And in this episode, you'll also get a glimpse or two of in-the-fanfic interviews with myself, the Here and Now Gang, and interviews with special guests like Randolph Johnson, Rae Lindley, Vanessa Lindley, Dial Ironside, Wade Hansen, Dwight Mercer, Quark, Miles O'Brien, Clancy Wiggum, and others.

So hombre, sit back and be amazed by pure 90s nostalgia that this episode of That 90s Show has to offer. Now you're probably grabbing out your Tuna Helper from the stove and a can of Coca-Cola from the fridge.

Most of all... Bon Apetit!


	2. Intro & First Catch of the Day

[Begin Intro Sequence]

I am Wex Major, entrepreneurial superstar, dream weaver, visionary, plus actor.

You're about enter a world of pure '90s nostalgia...

You are watching...THAT '90S SHOW!

[Tevin Campbell's _"I2I"_ plays]

[adult swim] presents

A Wex Major Production

In Association with FanFiction Box Office

That '90s Show

Starring Joe Bost as Wex Major

Dan Castellaneta as Homer Simpson

Harry Shearer as Lenny Leonard

Hank Azaria as Carl Carlson/Moe Syzslak

Trey Parker as Stan Marsh/Eric Cartman

Matt Stone as Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick

Matthew Holness as Jonas Zebeth

Matt Berry as Z. Lucien Sanchez

Richard Ayoade as G. Thornton Reed

[Music ends. End Intro Sequence]

* * *

My name is Wexamillion Major, and were gonna start off this episode somewhere in the Pacific Northwest, where a bunch of greedy asshole whalers are looking an Orca to steal...

Whaler Punk: Do any of you guys see him yet?"

They look for a sec, but find nothing. Nada, zip...

Whaler Veteran: Nah! But let's fire up the engine in case if he show's up, OK, kid?

Whaler Punk: Whatever you say, Johnny!

[_Pequod's_ engine fires up, water spouts out from an exhaust]

Elsewhere, the whale spouts out water from his blowhole for air, being totally unaware of what's about to happen to him! Anyway, they waited for him for five minutes and then...

Whaler Punk: Is he there? Do you see him?

Bearded Whaler: HEY, THERE HE IS! AT ONE O' CLOCK!

They all attempt to converge on him...

Whaler Punk: THEN LET'S GET BEHIND HIM!

Bearded Whaler: YEAH, WE'LL CUT HIS ASS OFF!

Then they start to unleash their net as they get closer...

Bearded Whaler: GET HIM! GET HIM!

"Johnny": He's right about 200 yards.

[something gets detached, probably for the net]

Whaler Punk #2: Clear!

Whaler Punk: I got it!

Whaler Punk #2: Full Throttle! OK, let her go, let her go!

[Whaler Punk whoops]

Whaler Punk #2: HEY!

Now the other Orcas, (i.e. his family) scramble to find their pod mate and get him to safety...

Whaler Punk #2: More throttle, keep it up!

Whaler Veteran #2: That's it...that's it!

[Orcas scrambling]

"Johnny": LAY IT DOWN! KEEP IT COMING, LAY IT DOWN!

Bearded Whaler [tapping oars]: YEAH FISH! YEAH! GO ON FISH! YEAH! WRONG WAY! YEAH! HELL YEAH BABY! YEAH! YEAH FISH! YEAH! GET YOUR ASS ON IN THERE!

Whaler Punk #2: OK, PIN IT! PIN IT!

[Whalers cheering and whooping]

Bearded Whaler: HE'S NOT GETTING AWAY, KEEP THE OTHERS AWAY FROM HIM!

Whaler Punk #2: WE GOT HIM! WE GOT HIM! WHOO!

[Orca cries out via sonar]

Whaler Punk #2: Close her up! Closer her up! That's it!

[Orca cries out some more]

Bearded Whaler [handing "Johnny" a rope]: Here comes our paychecks, Johnny! WHOA!

[Orca cries out yet some more, whalers chanting "GET HIS ASS IN THE MIDDLE" and stuff]

Where were we? Oh yeah, the capture of an innocent little Orca! You know, it really sucks that they had to do that to him. Just think of all he would of accomplished if he was "rescued" by members of, say...Sea World or something related... Oh well! We could only imagine where he'll go, for who could ever befriend...an Orca?

[Orca cries out, spouts out for air. Cut to a city park]

FREEING WILLY


	3. Interviews & Scavengers

Wex Major: It was July of '93, and we were dealing with unemployment issues with Deep Space Nine at the time. The computers on that station didn't work, the counter-insurgency program kept going off, I mean, it was complete chaos! So Starfleet layed most of us off from that station until further notice. Even the endorsment trip to Jurassic Park in June of that year didn't even help, the park's fences went down and the dinosaurs ran amok! Some more money down the drain!

Interviewer [in the background]: So then what did you guys do on your spare time?

Wex: Well, we were roaming the streets, hopping the clubs, and trying to shoot some pool for the promise of a good meal. We even hanged out at skate parks in the North West Adventure Park District! That's how bad it was!

* * *

Homer Simpson: You know, I'm not sure what to believe about- Wait! It was so bad that I couldn't even provide a good enough life for my children: Bart and Lisa at the time. I thought endorsing Jurassic Park would take care of that...John Hammond can't do anything right!

* * *

Lenford Leonard: We were hangin' around this guy named Perry Swearnigan.

Carlton Carlson: Yeah, he was just some kid who got out of Juvie after uh- serving a 2-month sentence for, what was it, Lenny?

Lenny: Uh, I don't know...Oh, petty theft at a local 7-11!

Carl: Yeah! Let's just say he was...different.

* * *

Morris Syzslak: I was roaming the streets with Wex and the others, but I didn't get my cigar bar back until after the North West Adventure Park Incident in July of '93. It was bad! It looked like we were about to get caught by the cops no matter what else we could of done to prevent it. Yeah! It looked pretty damn bad!

* * *

Quark: The unemployment was so bad that I nearly closed down my bar in the station's Promenade. It was to be that if I didn't make enough business in that joint, they would close me down for good. But somehow, I managed!

* * *

Miles O'Brien: What's my take on the unemployment? Simple, I was one of the only few who managed to stay at the station to make an honest buck! It sucked for the other people, but that's the way it goes I guess.

* * *

So where was I? Oh yeah, the city park that looks like Portland, Oregon's Pioneer Courthouse Square, but in reality it's the Xander DeSoto Park Place Square in the Urban Playgrounds' North West Adventure Park District. It's been three days since we were last caught by the cops for stealing Salted Nut Rolls and cans of Crystal Pepsi from the vending machines at the 7-11 in the Darkplace District. We could've gone back to the Darkplace Apartment Complex, but we were temporarily thrown out (with all our stuff still in there) for being late on our rent (due to the fact that we were facing unemployment issues with Deep Space Nine at the time)! So we had to make our way into the streets, and hope we don't get thrown into the Big House. The Big House, it's one thing a friend of mine promised himself the last time he was inside: he ain't never going back! So here we are, roaming the Park Place Square for any "banks to rob", litteraly!

[Liz Phair's "_Never Said_" plays on a nearby stereo]

Wex: 'Scuse me, ma'am! My friend's mom dropped me off here on her way to work and she forgot to give me bus fare. Could I borrow a few bones?

Of course, she hesitated, until...

Business Lady: Oh, what the hell, why not? [hands him the cash]

Wex: Thanks lady! Thank you so much! God bless you!

Carl: Yo, brotha, I really gotta get home. If you could only lend me just a bean?

Busy Guy: Get the hell outta here!

Meanwhile Homer and Lenny are trying to rob this next bank from a black lady...

Lenny: Excuse us, ma'am!

Homer: My friends and I are having a crisis 'cause we spent all of our money at that damn museum and we have to take the lightrail home.

Lenny: Think you could help us out?

You'd think she would say no but you're dead wrong...she just...hesitated.

Black Lady: I suppose!

Homer: Yes!

So then we all chipped in on all the beans and bones we robbed from the banks at the Park Place Square, but we came up shorter than we expected...

Homer: Twenty beans.

Perry Swearnigan: Shit! I'm hungry!

Wex: God, man, what does it take to get some food 'round here!

Then came the perfect opportunity: a down-on-their-luck couple hangin' around with a Robert Redford-lookalike millionaire forgot to finish their Big Mac, Coke, McLean Deluxe, a Mickey-D Burger and fries! So what did we do? We pounced at the chance to steal the McDonald's items and run off.

Wex: Lets go!

Some family was looking at us like if we were freaking crazy for taking food left over by rich people! That didn't bother me none. But what really got under my skin was being caught by the manager of that Mickey-D's...

Homer: Go, Wex!

So we then took the food and busted out of the joint before the manager saw us and boy, was he pissed!

Manager: Hey! hey, you assholes, GET BACK HERE! God damn!

Better luck next time, pal. No hard feelings! Anyway, you're probably wanting to know about Perry and his friends, right? Well, Perry's mom ran out on him when he was six years old, kinda tough, I know, but that's the way it goes I guess! Then there's Gwenie Johnston, her mother dropped her off here on her way to work in Houston as a Fashion Week Accountant, she never saw her again! As for "Vector", God only knows where this homeslice has been! Anyway, we were walking the streets for another five and a half hours, until we saw a Lauren's Caterers van and another opportunity... a freaking cake!

[Wex throws his JanSport D-3 backpack to Moe as Wex grabs the cake and everybody raises some commotion]

Wex: Come on, guys!

[NKOTB's "_Keep On Smilin'_" plays on a stereo]

Now we jump to Michalangelo's Turtleside Skate Park, where not only Tony Hawk wannabes hang out and skate, but sex offenders and drug dealers reside here. But that didn't stop us any. Nope, we pressed on...

Gwenie Johnston: You know, the first time Boneless Ben ever went there, it was so bad! His dad dropped him off on his way to work in Waco, Texas for that Branch Davidian asshole, David Koresh! He never saw him again. He doesn't care, he hates him anyway! You know guys, I could eat these everyday!

Wex: Yeah, well I bolted.

Carl: Oh, yeah, like you bolted from the cops in Darkplace!

Wex: I did shithead!

Carl: Yeah right!

Moe: Shut the hell up, Carl, we both did! What do you know?

Gwenie: I know that they watch you like a freaking hawk as if you're gonna stick a knife in their back! I had to wait till some foster home mofos took me, then I slipped.

[Moe pours Tabasco on his cake]

Moe: Maybe you're ain't smart as us.

Gwenie: Oh, eat it, Moe!

Moe: I am, actually.

[Moe bites off a piece of his cake, then circumcizes a Cohiba Siglo I cuban cigar and lights it up with a Zippo lighter]

Perry: You know, I just want my own place. Like an apartment or a condo or something.

Wex: Yeah right! You and us, we'll hook you up with someone, with my brains-

Homer: And my wonderful personality! We get fucking rich!

[Perry throws a piece of cake at Homer as "Vector" laughs his ass off]

Perry: Get rich on your own life, Homer! God, man!

But then some cops scope out the skate park for us, unbeknownst to us...

[Springfield District's Unit 22, a Ford Crown Victoria pulls up towards the entrance to the skate park and shuts off the headlights]

"Chief" Clancy Wiggum: There they are boys, the intended target that Dwight wanted us to look for: Wex Major and his pittiful little band!

Louis "Lou" Stubbs: Uh, Chief, you know this is out of our jurisdiction! The Head Chief will kick our asses with our badges for breakfast with a little pension on top!

Edwin "Eddie" Westlake: Lou is right, Chief, you can't take this chance!

"Chief" Wiggum: Just watch me boys... [he picks up the CB Mike] Central, this is UP Mountie 22, over.

They wait for a moment, then suddenly...

Central: Unit 22, this is Central. What's the story, over?

"Chief" Wiggum: I'm requesting permission to pursue the Here and Now Gang currently hanging around Michalangelo's Turtleside Skate Park here in the North West Adventure Park District, over.

Lou: Uh, Chief, I really don't think this is a good id-

"Chief" Wiggum: There's a whole bag of SHH with your name on it! OK?

[Lou nodds his head]

"Chief" Wiggum: Good.

Central: Unit 22, it's Central, permission to pursue the Here and Now Gang has been granted. Good luck, Unit 22! Over.

"Chief" Wiggum: 10-4, over and out. [he hangs up the mike]

And while at that same moment...

[Duran Duran's "_Come Undone (Breath After Breath)_" plays on a stereo]

Wex: Check these out!

[He opens up a box of both old and new Playboy magazines]

Homer: WOOHOO! I HIT THE PLAYBOY JACKPOT!

Perry: Holy crapola, where on God's green earth did you get these?

Wex: I got it from some hobo down in Darkplace.

Homer: D'OH!

Wex: Oh, it's not as bad as you think. This hobo was adamant to get rid of them so that youth, like us, can read 'em.

Homer: Mmmm, Leisa Sheridan in a bikini! [He gargles]


	4. Wex's Capture & Some Chances

We were about to read our Playboy magazines, until that damn siren ruined it all...

[Police sirens blare]

Wex: Aw, shit! Cheese it, the feds!

I took another piece of cake and walked over it, while Moe dropped the cigar out of his mouth and Vector's Playboy magazine got tossed onto a nearby puddle as we run for our very lives. But I had a plan: split the group, save everyone...

Wex: Let's split up! See you guys on the other side!

Gwenie: Alright, bye!

Vector left with Perry and Gwenie one way, Lenny, Carl and Moe took another way, while me and Homer took a very different path...

Wex: [pointing to a direction] This way, Homer!

Then we ran to some kind of "back door" to an aquatic theater...

[Homer panting heavily]

Homer: I can't run too fast after eating that Mickey-D Burger, Uhhh!

Wex: Go, go, go, Homie!

Homer: Yeah, I'ma coming...

Wex: Come on, come on, come on, go! Quick! Go, quick, quick, quick, move!

I got in through the plywood fence no problem, but Homer had a helluva time trying to squeeze through it, but miraculously, he made it just in time as the cop car passed by. I then kick an empty glass bottle of Coke in victory...

Wex: Down here...

Then it started to thunder out and probably was about to rain. We had no choice, we had to enter this one room...

Wex: Here [opens sliding door] OK, shut it, quick, quick quick, quick!

[the door shuts, a beeper goes off]

Wex: [trips over something] Ah, shit! [turns on the light]

So I turn on the light and I see a bunch of stuff you see in some janitorial pantry: Krylon spray paint, mops, brooms, the whole freaking nine yards...

Homer: [eyeing on the Krylon spray paint] Oh, glory of glories! Oh Heavenly testament to the enternal majesty of God's creation!

Wex: Check it out, man! [grabs two cans] So, Homie, whatcha think? Start spraying?

Both Wex and Homer: Start spraying!

Then Homer started spraying to the rhythym of Lynard Skynard's "___Free Bird_" while I started spraying to the rhythym of Snap's "___The Power_". It was perfect...

[Homer opens the door]

Homer [spraying to the rhythym of Lynard Skynard's ___Free Bird_]: I'M FREE AS A BIRD NOW, AND IN THIS BIRD YOU CANNOT CHANGE...

Meanwhile I stopped doing Snap's "___The Power_" and started spraying to the rhythym of Prince's "___Diamonds and Pearls_".

Wex: [spraying] This will be the day, [shakes the can, then sprays] that you will hear me say, [sprays again] that I will never run away. [shakes the can, sprays another round] I am here for you, [sprays again] love is meant for two, [shakes the can, goes for another round] so tell me what you're gonna do. [shakes the can again, then stops]

Then I heard some weird popping and teeth gridning noises. At first I thought it was Homer just shaking his can of Krylon, so I went back into my business...

Wex: [sprays again] If I gave you diamonds and pearls, [sprays again] would you be a happy boy or a girl, [stops spraying for a moment, then gets back in] if I could I would give you the world, [sprays one last round] 'cause all I can do is just offer you my love...

Then those grinding noises got louder and more creepy, but I still thought it was Homer...

Wex: Homie, is that you, man? [waiting for moment] Homie, if this is a joke, it's not funny... [waits again] Homer?

Then some lightning flashed and saw a sea creature open it's mouth and teeth to scare the living daylights out of me...

Wex: HOLY SHITBALLS OF FIRE!

So then I ran, ran like my life depended on it, which it did! But then a funny thing happened: I was no longer scared shitless, I was...intrigued by the sea creature in that observation room...

Wex: What the hell is that?

So then I walked around a little bit, until I got a better look of that creature...

Wex: Cool!

The creature was of a beautiful sight. And I stood there being transfixed for what seemed like forever, but it was probably nearer 45 seconds to a minute. Then there was something I didn't expect...

Homer: WEX, CHEESE IT, IT'S THE FEDS! [Homer yells out in pain]

I was about to run back up a pair of stairs but the feds were right on my ass...

Cop: There he is! Hold it, Wex!

I trip over a trash can, but that didn't really stop me any...

Cop: He fell onto a trash can!

Now I head outside and it's a freaking downpour with thunder and lightning and the whole nine yards, but I had an idea...

Cop #2: Hey, Wex!

Wex: Wait, I got a better idea! [goes near a cop car, nearly opens the door] Let's go to IHOP, I'm driving!

Then they smack me on the ground, litteraly!

Wex: OK, OK, Burger King, whatever!

Cop: Relax, calm down.

Wex: What the hell, man? I am calm! It's not like I'm falling through freaking quicksand, dude!

Then I saw a Native American standing there looking at me...

Wex: What do you want?

* * *

Interviewer [in the background]: Now Mr. Mercer, you were the social worker for Wex when he was in this crisis, is that right?

Dwight Mercer: Yeah, I was!

Interviewer [in the background]: And you were trying to find him a place to stay at until he and his friends got back on their feet?

Dwight: Yeah! He was roaming the streets for a place to make his comeback bare fruit, but he knew that the only way to make a comeback is to live with some good people. And that's where I came in.

* * *

"Chief" Wiggum: Catching Wex was, to put it plainly, very strange... My other two officers wouldn't let me pursue them, but when I got back to Central, the Head Chief didn't fire us or anything like I expected. As a matter of fact, he congratulated me for getting him off the streets that day. Then afterwards, I handed him to Dwight and we went back to our humble cop's duities, you know...

* * *

We now shift to the Police Station in the North West Adventure Park District, where I get talked to by Dwight. Homer was sent on probation to stay with rock groupies. Now I get talked to...

Dwight: Breaking and entering, malicious mischief, vandalism, resisting arrest...anything else happened to you I should know about, Wex?

Wex: Yeah, I robbed a couple of banks. Is that such a big problem?

Dwight: Well, I'm glad you were only out there for three days, son! Sit down.

Wex: Aw, did you miss me that bad?

Dwight: Does Perry Swearnigan with you know this number?

Wex: Who the hell is he?

Dwight: Hey, don't play! Don't come in here being a butthead! Now, I hate telephones. And I spent 45 minutes on a conference call with the Urban Playgrounds Police Dept. and that Adventure Park trying to keep you clean, son! You know what, count yourself lucky this time: I kept your little ass out of court! You have to clean up the mess you guys made at North West Adventure Park-

I tried to interject but got shot down...

Dwight: Ah-ah-ah-ah, that's your probation. You got a problem with that?

Wex: Yeah, I don't know why I have to clean up after a bunch of Sea World imitators, come on?

Dwight: You know, I don't know why I fool around with you guys in the first place! And I don't know why I'm working so much overtime with you, Wex. But if you split again here, then I'm out of the picture [waves his palm and whooshes], gone! You'll be in Halfway Authority, court-supervised and controlled! They'll put in a halfway house, that means a lock-up in Shady Acres, son.

Believe you me, the thought scared the hell out of me, but I still wanted to rebel...

Dwight: OK, look... Your placement's still on, Cammy and Ford are OK. They don't even give a rat's ass about this incident!

Wex: What's up with them?

Dwight: Oh, I see. Just because that Cammy and Ford want you in their boarding house, there's got to be something wrong with them, am I right?

Wex: Well, then what do you think?

Dwight: I think that despite the fact that you're 18, you still might be young enough so you get some chances... Not an infinite number of chances, but a few. A few, son! You get it?

Wex: Yeah.

I had the take that chance of going to Cammy and Ford's boarding house, I had to save my ass from going to that halfway house...

Dwight: OK, you got any questions about, uh, any of this?

Wex: You hear from Deep Space Nine?

Dwight: You still wanna hear from Deep Space Nine?

Wex: I just want to know if they have any job openings?

He paused for a moment...

Dwight: Nobody's heard from Deep Space Nine in over 6 months, Wex. I'm sorry.

Wex: Damn! [smacks the desk]


	5. Cammy and Ford & Randolph

Here we are, in the suburbs of the North West Adventure Park District, and Dwight (such an asshole he can be at times) tells me to pounce at the chance of saving myself from Shady Acres Halfway Hospital in the Angel Grove District by staying with this foster couple who runs something like a boarding house but technically its a foster home. It was a long day: I had to sign papers to stay with them and the whole nine yards! So we finally arrive, right? And my first impression of them on the front porch of this foster boarding house that sat on a hill somewhat was: _My God, who the hell are these people? They look like punk rockers from Hell or something! _I just didn't wanna get out of that crappy Ford Taurus he was driving in...

Dwight: Any time you're ready, Big Guy?

[Wex exits the car, a curtain-cut blonde-haired skinny woman in punk rock attire approaches]

Cammy Horrocks [mousy British accent]: Hi, Wex! Hey, Dwight!

Dwight: How's it going? Keeping busy?

Cammy: Yeah. We had to kick out Cutter Salthouse 'cause he wanted us to rob a convenience store at the Starfleet Installation a few weeks ago! Such a wanker he was!

Some Young Obi-Wan Kenobi Accent: I thought I told you not to use that word, Cammy!

There comes another person in punk rock attrie, I assumed that he was no more in his early to mid-20s.

Dwight: Wex, the lady is Cammy Horrocks [points to her, Wex shakes her hand]. And this gentleman happens to be Ford McGregor...

Ford McGregor [Some young Obi-Wan Kenobi accent]: I know you, you're the Great Wex Major, aren't ya? Welcome to our home!

I shook his hand, but that kinda creeped me out a little bit

Ford: Can I take your stuff?

Wex: NO! I got this!

So then he backed off.

Cammy: OK, lets go in and wash up and we'll get ready for supper. We're having Chili with extra helpings of-

Some Guy [pops out the window]: WHAT THE SAM'S HELL IS THAT GUY DOING HERE? HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE! WHERE THE HELL'S CUTTER?

Ford: That's really none of your business, Shavey!

Shavey [funky asian accent]: AND YOU'VE PUT EMPTY HOLES IN MY FLOOR AG-

Ford: Shavey, I don't know shit about the holes in your floor! Sounds to me that you're smoking the crack again, Buddy! Guns are illegal! Every Tom, Dick and...wanker knows that!

Shavey: OH WANKER! I'LL GIVE YOU A WANKER! EVERY TIME YOU MAKE THAT NOISE-

Ford [shakes his head]: Wankers, sounds like some fucking breakfast cereal to me. Wankers! Wouldn't you say, Dwight!

Dwight [laughs his ass off]: Yeah, exactly. I guess I gotta give you the paperwork. [He gives Ford some papers to sign] Always got to have the paperwork! You know, I bought a new Ford Taurus recently, as you can see right there [points to his car] adding with the contracts and all, it came over 42 pages long!

[Ford finishes with signing the papers]

Ford: Well, I'm only leasing him, I'm not buying him yet!

Inside the house, they have everything under the sun expensive: VCRs, Stereos, CDs, LPs, some fine jewelry and the whole nine yards. And the Chili they had looked mighty tasty. Especially with their Old Home sour cream and shredded Kraft cheese add-ons to go with it. I was hungry...

Cammy: Do you wanna take up history?

Wex [sarcastically]: Not really!

Cammy: Well, I'm trying to get back to college for my PhD in History and write a report on the Waco Siege that happened some months ag-

Wex: Sorry, not interested!

[Cammy and Wex sit at the table, followed by Ford]

Ford: That makes two of us! And go right ahead, Wex, just dig right in!

[Wex spoons out a big helping of Chili]

Wex: I'll take that into consideration, thanks!

Cammy: In fact, that's how we know Dwight, 'cause his son was doing a report on the Waco Siege!

Wex: Dwight's an asshole, no offense!

[Wex then puts on his sour cream and cheese fixings on his Chili]

Ford: So what are you in to, Wex?

Wex: For starters, I'm not in to talking when I'm eating, capice?

[They stare at him and then they finish eating]

Now its 9:00 PM, the sun's going down, and I was full of Chili and I wanted to crash! So they sent me up to a totally kick-ass room. Its got a helluva view (showing the bay and stuff 'cause the house sat on a hill) and it has a Silence of the Lambs movie poster on the wall, a black and orange lava lamp, a Bose Wave Radio stereo, and on the bed was a pile of licensed graphic t-shirts and grunge attire (my favorite). And what was this? They got my Fender Mustang guitar from my apartment for me? That was pretty nice of them...

Ford: Here's your room, Wex!

Wex [thinking sarcastically]: _Cool!_

Cammy: Our bedroom's downstairs, but, Buddy, you've got the best view of the house!

And then I see some present...

Cammy: Go ahead, open it!

I hesitated, of course!

Ford: Or you can wait till later, your choice!

Cammy: I've tooken the liberty in buying you some things, some Doc Martens, some socks, and Dwight said that you liked alot of Licensed T-shirts and Grunge attire. So we got you alot of it, and if you don't like them, we can exchange them. Simple as that!

Ford: And if there's anything you need, just let us know. We'll be downstairs, OK?

Wex: Sure.

Ford: Alright, goodnight, Wex.

Cammy: Goodnight.

Wex: Yep.

So they head downstairs, and I grab out my Fender Mustang and I start to strum to the first verse of Queensryche's _"Silent Lucidity"_ and carried on for the remainder of the evening...

* * *

Interviewer [in the background]: Was it tough for you guys on the first day?

Cammy: Yes, it was totally tough to get him to correspond with us when he first arrived.

Ford: Yes, absolutely, it was hard.

Interviewer [in the background]: And would've he flipped out if he found out you two were zombies?

Both Cammy and Ford: Yes!

* * *

So now we head over to the North West Adventure Park, where I begin my cleanup of mine and Homer's mess...

[US3's _"Cantaloop (Flip Fantasia)"_ plays on Ford's truck radio as the truck pulls into the park]

[Ford shuts off the truck, heads back to the tailgate and pulls out a Schwinn mountain bike]

Ford: OK, Wex, you remember that turn before the bridge? That's 88th, Street. Darnell's Auto Wrecking is just straight up from there. Go about 6 more blocks and you'll end up at the house. Now go in the Aquatic Theater and ask for Randolph Johnson, he'll get you set up from there, capice?

So I ride off without answering him.

Ford: Yeah, great!

So I ride in there, passing by the attractions and stuff. But then at a different entrance to the park, the South End perhaps, Homer arrives in a car with the lady hip-hop groupies and their car stereo playing Snow's _"Informer"_.

Wex: Hey, Homer! Being a Ladies Man, I see?

Homer: Yeah, they let me stay with them for the time being. Where are you staying at?

Wex: Some foster couple. Its been very strange, they got my guitar from our apartment, when my apartment's supposed to be closed off by City Hall!

Homer: Wow! That is strange. So, what do we do from here?

Wex: First, we find this Randolph Johnson character.

So we head over to the Aquatic Theater and we see some janitor cleaning up the seats...

Wex: 'Scuse us, sir. Where can find a Randolph Johnson?

Janitor: Oh, the Hiada guy... He's in a cottage by the water. Can't miss it, and if you do, you're blind as a bat!

Wex: Uh yeah, thanks! We'll take that into consideration, won't we, Homer?

Homer: Yeah, exactly!

So we head over to the cottage. He has an old Volkswagen van parked on the driveway and both a birdhouse and bathouse on the front porch. I was puzzled to find his front door wide open...

[Wex knocks]

Wex: Randolph? I hope you didn't mind, but you're door was open. [he looks for a moment] Cool!

I saw the most prettiest view to the ocean to date. And then I look all around the house and I see old indian carvings and paintings of the sorts. But this house was also modern: RCA stereo, RCA television and a Sega Genesis among others.

Homer: Oh, look, an animal carving!

Wex: Let me see!

The carving looked like the creature that I saw in the Observation Area when we did our Graffiti. I was transfixed by it until...

Randolph Johnson: Well!

Homer: AHH!

I turn to him.

Randolph: The two artists return. Welcome back.


End file.
